I have said it before and I'll say it again. I feel like I lead a double life. I have my family/church life, and then there is my work life. I feel like I have to defend my ideals and morals and all my beliefs every day at work. This world is so different than I have ever experienced. Today at work I had someone belittle my family and my desire to have more children. She made me feel stupid and ignorant because I want a big family. She told me that I'll never be able to afford more children, I'll never be able to spend enough time with my kids, and I won't be able to love them enough. She made me feel bad for even considering it. I come from a family of 5 children and Kevin comes from a family of 8 children. I never felt unloved even with so many kids. WE have both always wanted a big family ourselves. I know it's ridiculous to let someone else make you feel bad but the way she was talking made me want to defend my decision to have children. Now I'm not saying that having a big family is right or even possible for everyone, but it's nobody's business but yours and the Lord's how many kids you have.
Sometimes I feel like I grew up very sheltered. I knew it was unusual for my parents to have 5 kids, especially so close in age, but I didn't know people actually frowned on it. I just thought we were an oddity. When I went to college I went to BYU in Utah, the land of big families. 5 kids was small potatoes there. Now that I live in Austin, I have had to explain my desire for many children time after time. And I always get the same answer..."How will you remember them all?...Are you crazy? That is way too many...That's ridiculous." Or something like that. I have a very hard time being excited about something when everyone around me is telling me it's wrong. Unfortunately the normal thing here seems to be to get pregnant, get married because you're pregnant, get divorced because you can't get along, and spend the rest of your life regretting the mistake of having a baby in the first place. Isn't that sad, that children are growing up knowing they were a mistake.
When I'm at work I miss being home so much I don't get to go to church as much as I'd like to because I have to work and I finally figured out why I hate missing so much. Besides the fact that it does make my week go so much nicer and I feel good and it's the right thing to do, but it's almost like a safe haven. It's my cool water after traipsing through the desert all week at work. I get to be with people who understand me, they have the same values and morals as me, They believe the same things and they accept me for who I am and love my family no matter how big or small or rich or poor. I feel safe and happy.
Let me tell you something. I love my family. Not just my husband and kids but my extended family and in-laws too. I'm proud to have such a big family. I like being with my brothers and sisters and parents. I love belonging to a church that preaches the sanctity of marriage and that holds the family in high esteem. I love my kids. I think about them all the time, especially when I'm away. I love how Landan runs into my arms every time I come home. He gives the best hugs. I love how Gavin's face lights up when he sees me. His eyes get all big and he has the cutest giggles. They are so precious to me and I wouldn't trade them for all the money in the world. And even if I have to work for the rest of my life, I will love every single one of my children and they WILL know it. And no one is going to make me feel bad about having kids. I may not be perfect, but I can be a mom, and that's the most important thing to me right now.
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5 comments:
I'm sorry you have to deal with so many downright ignorant and RUDE people! I am so MAD for you!
I think most of these people are probably just trying to justify their own life choices. THEY can't imagine having enough time or love for more than one/two children. THEY are unwilling to make certain financial sacrifices to afford a large family. They feel SO self-righteous in their decision that they feel theirs is the only way to live.
(Honestly, I can almost see their thought process. "My child NEEDS to be lavished with clothes / toys/ games/ vacations! They DESERVE to think that the world revolves around them! Anything short of that is NEGLECT!" Ug, no wonder I am teaching the most spoiled and entitled generation of children EVER!)
My dad was one of seven kids. I know they had to make due without a lot of things growing up, but time and love were not among them. I consider it a great blessing in my life to be able to be a part of such a large extended family. I would LOVE to have a large family myself, but right now I've only got Tom on board for three. :)
I know you and I don't share the same religious or political beliefs, but please don't feel as if everyone "out there" is against you. I interact with plenty of people every day who have no business having kids, but I have never thought for a second that you were one of them. I think you are a fantastic mother, and will continue to be even if you have twenty kids.
I'll get off my soapbox now, but I love ya! I hope you have a better week this week.
I agree, you have such a wonderful family. And I can't wait to meet the rest of your children someday! Miss you guys!
I'm sorry you are having to deal with those things. Just tell them it is none of their business. I agree with Becky that they are just trying to justify their own weaknesses.
People like that bug me. It is none of there business how many kids you have, how many kids you want, and how you choose to raise them. People make comments to me all the time when I am out with my 4 kids because, I have my hands full, and my kids must be neglected and not loved enough because I don't have the time to take care of all of them at once. I think kids who grow up in big families have more respect for others and are more caring and less selfish because they grow up in a world that does not revolve around them. You are an amazing mother, and you are doing the right thing by choosing to have as many kids as you want, and having them whenever you want to have them. And the Lord will bless you so that you will be able to afford them. I want a big family, too. Ignore this lady and anyone else who says those aweful things to you. Seriously, just tell them its none of her business and forget about it.
I totally agree with Becky. People are justifying their actions by belittling those who are different. I always got made fun of because of my big family. I finally just started ignoring it because it didn't help to let other people make me feel dumb all the time. I almost expect people to say rude things like that so I don't even bring it up. If people ask me how many children I want to have, I just say, however many the Lord wants me to, hopefully more than 2.
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